What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 16:21
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
How does Bollywood influence Indian culture?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Woman attacked by rabid cat in Lynchburg, health officials say - WSET
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
When you visit a store, do you go to shop or buy?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My life is so biszare .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Was Jimmy Carter a good President of the United States?
I was very sick at this time too.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do foolish atheists think their strange delusional theories are facts?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Once-a-week pill for schizophrenia shows promise in clinical trials - MIT News
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
What did i know ?
How does a 45-year-old man get a girlfriend?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why do people believe that global warming is man made?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Are miracles real or do they just have natural explanations?
This is soul school!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We all went to grammer schools
Was to survive, this bastard.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She married twice! .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One cannot live in the past .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was 9 years of age.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She found it foreign!.
He knew the spot.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She wouldn,t have been !
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I don,t even have a pension.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So, i spoilt her more .
Why did i forgive my father ?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But, we were locked up after school.
I will be 64.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Comes on , in middle age.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I was seconnd youngest,
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im still living with it.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When she asked me how she looked .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We were not on the streets..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Who then, do I blame.?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She loved him until the end.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I could never make a relationship work though!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Especially a lifetime of it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Ive learnt so much.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And i lived it daily.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As i do to all so called friends.?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I have no regrets .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Would this be the day?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was scared of men, in general
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Put me off passion for life!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
It was going to be , some day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I waited trembling.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I said to her
She was in good health!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He was dying to do it , i knew.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
All the time i was locked up.
I couldn’t, believe it.
So whats the point in blame.
But it wasn’t much.
I think the readers, may guess!
I write beautiful poetry .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My family never makes their pension either.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..